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Those frakkin’ geese!

Geese chilling at the train station pond

Geese chilling at the train station pond

I take the train to work because of the traffic and the amount of money I save in gas and upkeep costs. Though I have to tell you that I’m really getting sick and tired of those frakkin’ geese! I’m at the station in the morning and there they are, busy flying overhead, crapping on the train platform just to protect their rights to the man-made pond nearby. And then I come home in the evening, trying to leave the parking area before I get stuck in a logjam of traffic and they are busy taking their own sweet time crossing the street. I swear, I often think about just plowing on through them, but they are protected by the government.

And that incessant honking! Can anything by any louder or more annoying than the geese communicating to each other? And what are they saying to one another? If only we could understand what they are saying, maybe their conversation would go something like this:

Goose #1: “Hey, I’m gonna take a big old dump right on the sidewalk. And then I’m going to honk at and chase the next human that walks by.”

Goose #2: “Oh yeah? Well, I’m going to go for a swim, defecate in the water, eat part of a fish and leave him in the pond. Then I’m going to fly over to that parking lot and I’m going to defecate some more right on that shiny red car.”

Goose #3: “You two are doing child’s play. I’m going to grab three friends and walk across that wide road all day long and stop traffic. And, while I’m in the middle of the road, I’m going to stop and clean myself.”

Geese 1 & 2: “Ooh. You win.”

And geese are smart. No matter what you do to stop them or get rid of them, they just ignore it…well, almost anything.

There’s this biologist in Ohio who’s like the Diane Fossey of geese. He’s been watching geese for over 25 years and is the foremost authority on goose behavior. He has been working with us here at Bird-X to develop products that will make geese leave – on their own – and take their friends with them. There’s this cool sound device called a GooseBuster that emits natural recordings of goose alarm and alert calls. Once the geese hear those soundas, they vamoose, knowing that trouble is afoot!

So I decided to do a little test. I asked my train mates about putting this sound device out there to see if it would scare away the geese – we’re subjected to the early morning honking and late afternoon jaywalking so why not try to get them to go elsewhere? They agreed and we set out to get rid of the geese. It took only three days! And now we hear faint honking and a distant corporate park when the wind is not in our favor. But the key here is that the geese are gone from our train stop. No more honking (from geese – cars are another issue). No more defecating on the train platform (someone actually slipped and fell in it once). And no more afternoon strolls across the street. Nada. Nothing. Zip. Zilch. They are gone – those frakkin’ geese are gone!

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